2009 on Recap

Less than 3 weeks, I can happily change the calendar. My company already giving away new 2010 calendars to each staff. The new calendar seems small compares to last year. Maybe try to show us that company going on tough time. That explain so much i guess.I went through my calendar, and realized so much had happened. with the bad things top up the good things, but it is sweeter that way. We won't learn so much from good incidents, whilst bad things even tough and hard, teach us lesson and make us remember who we are and how to face life. I thought its good to do a little recap on 2009.

January - Its the New Year with everything new, new baby (Dhia only 9 months), new maid, new problems....things with my ex husband (then still husband) getting worst, he was in JB and I am in KL. Being on distance relationship, which at first we thought will help things getting better, just making it worst. But I enjoy time for myself this month, went hiking and clubbing with friends. we went hiking on Mount Nuang, really scary and as someone who totally not fit like me (but I am hyper), it is difficult to make it to the top. but i enjoy it. Being close to nature, the sounds and smell of it, reminds me to be thankful to God and have faith.

February - Month of Love, but not so special for me. Just surrounded by meeting after meeting. Most of the day i'll be at the office, try to buy sometime from home, so I wont be dealing with the marital problems at all. And of course make me feel really bad towards my kid. How i regretted it now.

March - Final draw between me and husband (now ex), agreed on divorced but make a pact to go to counseling.

April - Ex came back to KL, which is according to him, he came back for good, to make things better for us. Counselling not working at all, every night end up in a bad row with him, kids very terrified and confused. oh Ex birthday this month on 9th and Dhia on 8th. Celebrated it.

May - Sweet month ever. Company paid 3 days 2 nights Team Building in Corus Paradise, Port Dickson, N.Sembilan. Started on new relationship. He is the most honest guy I ever met. I had a good feeling about this. :) My sister married on 31st. I hate wedding..but wish the best for my sis.

June - Mr.Boyfriend birthday this month. Falls on 9th. Wish him the best. First time in my life i actually really love someone. (Ek is lief vir jou) oh and can understand Afrikaans now.

July - Party heavily like animal, need to slow down.

August - Still heavily partying this month. Lucky end of the month is fasting month. Be modest and be thankful for all the food and good things that me and kiddies have.

September - Eventful month, Ex attacked Mr.Boyfriend, get dirty with police cases, tongue slashing and finally court. Things with Ex settled (not quite easily, he took Damia, after long persuasion agreed that i have both of the kids.) wish the best for Ex, hope he move on as I am. My birthday falls on 26th, Mr. Boyfriend gave ring to show I'm his and flower. and bought me peaceful dinner together (Nandos at home, sweet...)

October - Starts life with Mr. Boyfriend and the kids. Hope he gets his kids ASAP so we will be merrier, the responsibilities is tough but we make it this far, I think we doing good. We have each other.

November - Damia Birthday. Celebrated at home with my sister came to visit.

December - Looking back, even its not the proudest year, but it thoughts me a lot about life. Hope next year will be more meaningful. Good or not, looking forward to it. and I guess comparing myself and others i am LUCKY.

GOOD Parenting or SMART Parenting

"Mommy, can i have a barbie doll?", there it again, big eyes monster asking with face full of hopes. why she always appear whenever i pass through the toys department?!?

"listen baby, you have enough dolls to open up a nursery! you dont need another one ok..." and as always, i will try to negotiate.

"i want a barbie!!! i want a barbie, you are so bad, you know daddy always buy if i ask!!!!!", screaming on top of her lung now, i know i'm not a good negotiator, nor a strict mom. And she is like Veruca in Willy Wonka Factory. Always wanting things.

"I WANT BARBIE!!!!!"

oh goodness gracious, people are looking now. i wish i could just make a frowning face and tell her no, but instead of her scared of me, i am the one who dont have guts to scold her in public.

I'm not trying to spoil her, but i feel so bad for not buying for her, and it will reminisce everytime i'm away from her, at work or busy. I guess that always running on a working mom's mind. the guilty feeling of being busy at work and not having enough time for your kids.

I dont remember, i ever change into wide eyed monster whenever i went to malls with my mom, back then we always scared to ask things from parents. if they give us presents, then it would be appreciated, not ruining it in a day or left it at kindergarten like it has no value. and when they tell us no, it means no. no more words, not even a "huh!", or "ahhhhhhhhhhh...". it completely understandsble, its a no - no.

Parenting way change so much since then, now kids get to say their mind, and some even can manipulate their parents. Parents in the good old days, are more strict and some might say fierce, they caned and beat us when we cross the line, they ground us for week if we do mistake, they chillied our mouth if we say bad words, they make decisions for us. Now parents just talk to their kids, make them understand. well, if they not? this is when all of us wish we were our parents. of course, there are advantages nowadays, kids understand so fast, and some are really good in making decisions.

As for me, some things are better stay as they are but with a bit of changes, per say; we parents can make decisions but after we talk to the kids and listen to their opinion on that. then maybe, the green wide eyed monster will minimalize their appearance...????and for 'mommy-buy-me-a-barbie doll-situation' that i was in, i bought her a less expensive doll and that after she promise she will treasure it and keep it alive for 3 months.and i make sure she give me massage that night.hah! smart isnt it?

later days..

the clock

the clock

from the moment you say i do till the death do you apart. the clock start ticking from that very moment. counting every seconds, the commitment, the love, the memories that couples have to bear. every single second holds the key to the relationship. Playing it roles.

sometimes, the clock might stop ticking.

sometimes, we might felt boring with the old clock and lusting for a new one.

sometimes, one clock wont do any good. we want another one so that we could have choices.

choices. that make human so powerful.

choices. that break many hearts.

choices. that define who we are

but no matter what choices we make, no matter how many choices we make, never regret it. that's what really define us.

if u ever regret, that shows your misjudgement, that shows your misconceptions, that somehow in a way you lost.

you just don't know what you want.

so, the clock. even if it meant to tick for a second. even if it meant to be broken. or even if it meant to be lost along the way. it hold something for all of us. something precious. something that make us the way we are. something called MEMORIES.

second girl

its been a while i haven't blog
well.........busy busy busy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
picture above is my second daughter. Dhia amani naidu. another baby girl?????
i know. but im pleased. girl is easy to take care than boy for me. not to be sexist but u know boys nowadays.
so...................
here i am. in my office. trying hard to juggle motherhood and job. im transfered to KL project already. in melawati, for housing development project. we build 78 semi-d's and 9 bungalows. they called Riverview kemensah. hm..........constructions nowadays, with all the material price jumping high, its hard to maintain those profit margin.
well, i hope we could save some cost and gain more incentive from the company. Anyway.......we'll see.
So...got to take lunch now. see u on the next publish.
later days.......................
anna loken

diggin' diggin'

its been a while since my last post. i had a hell of years. look 2 years back, i never thaught that at last i actually become an engineer. ha....ha....ha....need a lot of freshen up as my brain already suffer from short term memory loss. even now, i still digging my study notes for some hints on how to do my work! if only i pay more attention during class...........

hm....so a lot of things happen.stay with me for a little catch up.

oh, before i forget, i pregnant for 1 month now. a second child. sweet as ever.

later days......

i'm.....desperate

hmmm.... it feels like forever for me to get a job. just dont know whether i should grab whatever coming or just wait for the best.if i am to choose, i'll say i'll wait for the one that i've been hoping for but... everyday my ear have to bear those nagging from my husband about getting a job. its not that he ain't being supportive but we have a rent to pay for.

i dreamt about this before but i never thought that it would get this complicated.with my father in law's health condition, my father economical problem including his mariage problem ( of course with my mother - my mother a bit challenging to handle), and also a small matter that still disturbing that comes all the time such as taxes and indah water bill that never been paid by my in laws while they rented my house.hm.... why should all these happen to me. a good and innocent people like... me. he he he.

whatever it is, i always believe that all these thing will settle. like always. i know i can handle it. just pull myself together and held my head up high and face it like a errr.... man.

later days.....

home sweet home

My father in law's health condition is really bad right now. he got intestine cancer and at the last stage. as the only son in the family, my husband has to be close to home. so we decided to move back to ipoh. at first, i felt really unhappy as i dreamt about having a job here.but sometimes we have to put aside our need to make others happy.

so, here we are. back to our root. afterall its not really bad. i can start things slowly. gather all the experience before i can prepare myself for the big challenge. i hope everything gonna be fine.

after a few days there, i think i can make myself at ease. it looks fine. the house big and spacious. its ok.

hm... not to forget. i left damia at kampung. so that i can concentrate on my exam. its really a tearful separation. as me and hubby crying our heart out all the way to our house. after two weeks i came back to visit her. she hardly smile at me. maybe she mad at me. maybe she just sad because i left her. nevermind, mummy buy something for you later. mummy didnt mean to
leave u there. anyway hope we can patch things up.

later days.....