i'm.....desperate

hmmm.... it feels like forever for me to get a job. just dont know whether i should grab whatever coming or just wait for the best.if i am to choose, i'll say i'll wait for the one that i've been hoping for but... everyday my ear have to bear those nagging from my husband about getting a job. its not that he ain't being supportive but we have a rent to pay for.

i dreamt about this before but i never thought that it would get this complicated.with my father in law's health condition, my father economical problem including his mariage problem ( of course with my mother - my mother a bit challenging to handle), and also a small matter that still disturbing that comes all the time such as taxes and indah water bill that never been paid by my in laws while they rented my house.hm.... why should all these happen to me. a good and innocent people like... me. he he he.

whatever it is, i always believe that all these thing will settle. like always. i know i can handle it. just pull myself together and held my head up high and face it like a errr.... man.

later days.....

home sweet home

My father in law's health condition is really bad right now. he got intestine cancer and at the last stage. as the only son in the family, my husband has to be close to home. so we decided to move back to ipoh. at first, i felt really unhappy as i dreamt about having a job here.but sometimes we have to put aside our need to make others happy.

so, here we are. back to our root. afterall its not really bad. i can start things slowly. gather all the experience before i can prepare myself for the big challenge. i hope everything gonna be fine.

after a few days there, i think i can make myself at ease. it looks fine. the house big and spacious. its ok.

hm... not to forget. i left damia at kampung. so that i can concentrate on my exam. its really a tearful separation. as me and hubby crying our heart out all the way to our house. after two weeks i came back to visit her. she hardly smile at me. maybe she mad at me. maybe she just sad because i left her. nevermind, mummy buy something for you later. mummy didnt mean to
leave u there. anyway hope we can patch things up.

later days.....

Happy Hari Raya

hi.....
just a few days before hari raya.everyone else must be so busy shopping their desired.shop until you drop.hm....so funny thinking bout it.

for me,this year i might be celebrating deepavali first with my in-laws.then the next day having a party for my sweet lil girl who gonna be 1 year old.then the next days going back to my kampung in Lenggong to celebrate raya with my family.

dont know how it's going to be.last year im here in KL celebrating raya with my husband and kid.just us.no one else.actually, i kind of afraid to balik kampung.a lot of chaos and catastrophe going to happen as my family are really loud, if you know what im saying.

normally, the night before raya,we going to discuss all the problems.all the matter before will arise. sometimes i just wonder.is it really necessary.i know how it feels to be discussed about in front of other people.the embarassment and the anger that you have to keep inside so that they know that you really wanted to change and be good.(o yeah..i have the experienced as every year it will be about me and my relationship with someone not my race- thank god i finally marry him).i really hope that this tradition gonna be left out as it only spoil the mood.

hm..hope it will be over for me. i mean all the yellings, the questions and the advices that i dont know how to answer and handle.(usually i just sit and cry until they stop - even i know its not professional at all but hell i care)

so...hope you enjoy your Deepavali and raya celebration.just remember whatever happen just be true to yourself.one more thing.....shop until you drop!!!!!

back to life

hmmm....life is just a bliss
my baby back to my arm
dont really have a thing to say
just want to enjoy the song
so here for all of you.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

the episode of loneliness

there's a knock on my door at 8 pm while im watching my 34'' tv with damia - remember my little vampire! i thought it was the debt collector that i always afraid for. well, i never mention it before but previously i mean a year ago we had our downtime and we have to owe someone some money. i dont know whether the debt is settle as my husband always being secretive about his financial status. anyway back to the knock on the door. as i open the door, it is my babysitter.

'what's up?', i ask.

her complexion was very pale than Boy George make up foundation.
'i'm just coming back from the hospital.just fell down in the shower.bleeding all over', she said
i was very shocked as she is pregnant for 3 weeks.

'how about the baby?'
'safe but i need to rest, in the meantime u have to find someone to take care of Damia.'

hmmm.... this is the miserable time. i just cant be separated from my baby.its not like im being clingy but just cannot sleep without her.
but had to, so i sent her to my aunt's house.

by the time i had to go home, i waved at her. she's lookin at me with a face full of confusion. i know the time has come for my tears to flow. cannot wait any longer so i left.

so... here i am. alone and miserable.hope it only take a week so i can be with my baby again.

Damia.... mummy miss u.

nightmares mystery

so... are the nightmares really as what i thought it is? maybe yes...maybe not. the truth is...out there..ha..ha..ha... seriously, the truth is, its my husband who always land on my baby's hand. that's why she's been crying.

poor little creature, i always put her inside her baby cot everytime she falls asleep. but very wise she is, the limited space bored her out. it turn out that we, my husband and i had to share our bed with her. and the worst is that she has to sleep in the middle. an obstacle to our marital repertoir. i guess i understand why all my classmate always wonder is it true that i wake up every morning at the wrong side of the bed.

i'm a mama, housewife and students

At 3 a.m just being woke up by my daughter's crying.arghhh what should i do. got to wake up early coz my class start at 8.30 in the morning tomorrow. looking at my husband who just have wonderful dream (smiling with drools at his face) i feel like slapping his face. for others, this crying might seems to be nightmares but for me it just a responsibility that i have to attend to. Maybe at first i felt like dying but i started to love it each single day. having a wonderful princess like damia, anyone will be proud of her. she can get down from her bed of her own even she's only 7 months. just imagine her intelligence. never create problems to me. even her smile can melt down icebergs in Antartics. but recently, she always wake up at night by nightmares ( i think) crying her heart out. and this nightmares..... i think i should find out where it begins.